Happy Anniversary

Today I am celebrating our 8 year anniversary. It is not the same celebrating alone. As I sit here I am flooded with memories of the past years. I am so grateful that I got to spend that time with him. I only wish that it had been longer. I know that even if I had known how short our time on earth together was going to be I wouldn't have changed a minute of it. How lucky am I that got such a great man. A man that made me laugh daily, that held me when I cried, that supported me endlessly, that shared my hopes and dreams with, and loved me with his whole heart. Josh was the love of my life and I can't wait to meet him again in heaven so that we can spend eternity together. Oh what joy that will be to see him waiting for me and walking with me as I meet our Heavenly Father!

Happy Anniversary baby! I love you today and everyday. You are never far from my thoughts!

Yesterday I put up some Christmas stuff hoping it would get me in the mood. Not sure it worked. I have deer and trees in the front yard that I don't have a extension cord for so they aren't turned on and a tree in the house with lights on it but no ornaments. It is still hard to believe that a year ago Josh was here to help me with all this crap and now he is gone.
I haven't been sleeping well again. Lots of waking up short of breath and feeling like the weight of world on my chest. I thought that was over, but I guess my mind remembers dates even when I try to forget them.
Tomorrow is our 8 year wedding anniversary. I plan on spending a lot of time with Josh at the cemetery. Man I never thought those words would be coming out of my mouth. Tonight some friends, neighbors, and family are coming over for a glass of wine and today Chris and Gabriela are coming over. I am thankful for the company.

Today is a busy day at the Riedle house. Olivia is definately on the mend. She was up at 6:30 this morning ready to play. I am so glad she is back to her normal self.
We are getting ready to go to my aunt and uncles this morning to help them get ready for my cousin's going away party tonight. Then off to lunch with a neighbor and her daughter and then we are taking the girls to see the play the high school is putting on. Olivia is very excited. After that we are heading to church and then the party. Hope Olivia can make it all day.

Sickness

Well it has hit our house. Olivia has strep! She had been complaining of a sore throat the past couple of days and had a slight temp. Last night that was the worst. She woke up about every hour screaming. Tried everything, she finally said can we go see Aunt Sarah at the hospital. I told her that maybe in the morning. I did however have the thought of taking her. I hated seeing her in such misery. She slept with me or should I say we tried to sleep all night. So this morning called the doctor and off we went. He took a look at her and said nope not the flu think it is strep. So hopefully we will be back to normal in a day or so. I am praying the medicine kicks in so we can both get some sleep.

Renewed

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I woke up this morning with strength on my mind. I will be strong, I will make it, I will survive! My pain is real, my grieve is deep, my heart is full of sorrow. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Phil 4:13. I can draw my strength from him and the wonderful people in my life. I can never thank you enough for the support you have given and continue to give.

So I knew this time would come but I thought that I could I could keep stuffing it down and putting it off. Guess it finally caught up me. I can feel the anger welling up inside ready to burst. I am angry that this happened, that I made the decision to take the route I did, that Josh being the wonderful man that he was taken from me before I was ready for him to go. I have so many questions that will never be answered. I know that anger is a part of grieving, but man it makes a girl not want to heal. I know that God has a plan for me and only he knows why this happened when it did, but it would be so much easier if he would give me a little hint. Tomorrow is another day and the forecast says SUN!

10 MONTHS

Where to start. Lots of thoughts having been going thru my head the past few days. Tomorrow marks the 10 month anniversary and I was secretly hoping and praying that I would make it without any breakdowns. Haven't been sleeping well the past few nights and I am sure that adds to my mood. Yesterday I had a lot of flashbacks of the accident while driving. I am thinking today Olivia and I will just stay home. Wonder if and when I will ever get those pictures out of my head. Some days I go along and feel great, and then others not so good. No motivation, no appetite, just want to sit and do nothing. I wonder if this month is God's way of preparing me for the upcoming ones. Praying everyday that God will give the strength and courage to make it thru our wedding anniversary, the holidays and the one year anniversary of the love of my life giving up his to save mine and our precious gift from God.

I changed the first song. This was the song Josh and I danced to at our wedding. He was my hero then, today and always will be.